Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and You
There are few things more frightening to the average man than an attack of impotence. Suddenly the penis, the ultimate symbol of maleness, refuses to get hard.
A soft penis equates to failing to assert one’s masculinity, failing to lead, to dominate, to push through obstacles, and, most of all, not being able to enjoy the ultimate expression of masculinity – penetrative sex.
Video – erectile dysfunction
So what should you do if you have erectile dysfunction?
First, see a doctor to rule out any physical causes, then, if there’s no obvious medical problem, take a close look at your thoughts and feelings about yourself, your life and your relationships.
Sometimes, especially in mid-life, impotence is caused by a mixture of psychological and physical factors like worries about aging and lowering of testosterone – and a low testosterone level can prevent you getting hard erections and may even mean your penis loses some of its size.
Physical causes of erection problems (erectile dysfunction)
Many illnesses – ranging from flu to chronic tiredness and more serious issues like heart surgery – will deplete the body’s resources to the point where your penis just won’t stand up. Usually things return to normal when you are well again. You also need a good emotional and sexual relationship. The causes of erection problems are discussed in this book.
Diabetes is the most common cause of impotence. About half of all men with diabetes develop erection problems.
Arteriosclerosis, which is the buildup of fatty plaque deposits on the walls of your arteries, may also impair your erection. Your penis simply can’t get enough blood through the narrowed arteries to become erect.
High blood pressure is another factor. Of course it’s a serious problem in its own right which frequently leads to a stroke and/or a heart attack, so have it checked regularly. The resulting injury can damage the the walls of the erectile chambers, which then heal in such a way that the penis cannot become fully erect.
Sadly, about a third of all men who receive radiation treatment for prostate cancer develop erection problems because of radiation damage to the nerves involved in generating an erection.
And another prostate operation called transurethral resection, which is performed to alleviate problems associated with benign prostatic hypertrophy (i.e., non-cancerous enlargement of the prostate), produces erection problems in 10 to 15 percent of men.
Mid-life hormonal problems, mentioned elsewhere on this website, can cause erection problems.
Body builders or sportsmen who take anabolic steroids risk shutting down their own natural hormonal system. They usually lose their sex drive and stop having erections. Their penis may also shrivel up. They look big, though.
Smoking certainly isn’t good for your penis. There’s a clear correlation between smoking and non-erection, lower sperm counts, and depressed testosterone levels. It’s also been suggested that smoking will, over time, cause your penis to shrink. Dr Pedram Salimpour, of Boston University, believes that smoking causes a loss of elasticity in the blood vessels of the penis, just as it does in the blood vessels of the lungs and heart. However, the vessels in the penis are much smaller, so constriction in this area may have much more severe consequences.
Drugs prescribed for anxiety, depression, ulcers, high blood pressure, among other things, can contribute to erection problems. Getting an erection problem after you’ve been given a drug to relieve stress seems somewhat ironic really, since the lack of an erection may well be even more stressful. In case you’re wondering, the prescribed drugs that can keep your penis from getting hard include: Barbiturates, hypnotics, tranquilizers like Valium, narcotics, both natural and synthetic, some high blood pressure drugs, some drugs used to treat angina, some drugs used to treat migraine headaches, ulcers, spastic colon, and glaucoma may impair erection. In addition, tricyclic antidepressants and antipsychotic drugs also may affect erection.
And here’s a link to a site which explains how you might be able to cure erectile dysfunction and explains what causes it – physical causes & cures for erectile dysfunction – though of course, this may be harder if the erectile dysfunction is caused by diabetes or other physical problems like Parkinson’s disease.
Psychological causes of erectile dysfunction
If your penis is regularly erect when you wake, or you can masturbate OK, but you can’t get hard when you try and have sex with your partner, you probably have a relationship issue rather than a dodgy penis.
Even so, if your erections are fewer in number and not as hard as you’d like, you might want to get your system checked out by a doctor – particularly one who knows how to check male hormone levels. A prostate check-up is also a good idea for men over forty.
The first step is several lab tests: a glucose test to check for undiagnosed diabetes; a thyroid profile, because thyroid disorders may cause erection problems; a free and total testosterone test; and LH and prolactin tests – these are hormones involved in the erection process.
Your doctor may also order a study of penile blood pressure and possibly a penile arteriogram, a more sophisticated test of blood flow, to see if enough blood is reaching your penis to potentially raise an erection.
If you never wake with a morning erection, your doctor should see if you have nighttime erections using a nocturnal penile tumescence test. That’s a test which involves attaching a gauge to your penis to detect erections while you sleep.
If you’re into Do-It-Yourself, you can simply get a row of gummed postage stamps, lick the ends and attach it snugly around your soft penis. If the perforations are torn in the morning, you’ve had a night-time erection.
Whatever your doctor finds, the next step is to think about the emotional issues in your life that might be screwing up your erections.
Strangely, erection problems often have the same cause as premature ejaculation: an excessive focus on performance and a perceived requirement on the man to perform.
Whenever there is a focus on performance, the penis responds like an actor with stage fright – it stops performing smoothly, and sometimes stops performing at all.
So, simple as these suggestions may sound, they help many men rediscover their erections: relax, both in and out of bed; slow down your lovemaking; de-emphasize the role of the penis; try to develop a greater appreciation for whole-body sensuality; make love only when and how it feels right for you; and, above all, discuss any problems with your lover.
Many types of fears and stress can be the cause of erection problems (especially if you’re primed with drugs or alcohol). Having sex for the first time often kills a boy’s erection.
Read what Dr Joseph Mercola has to say about erectile dysfunction.
Causes Of Erectile Dysfunction
So does having sex with a stranger, or someone who you don’t really fancy – casual sex is really not as exciting for most people as popular culture suggests. If your lover ridicules you about your performance or your penis size, this can make you lose your erection: once that’s happened, the fear of it happening again can be a potent erection killer.
Lastly, a very common situation where men lose their erections is putting a condom on: the answer is for the woman to do it for him.
Stress kills men – it also kills their erections. Whether it’s the pressure of a divorce, job loss, injury, illness, business reversals, feelings of growing old, or criticism by someone significant, these things can all contribute to non-erection.
Even positive stress can be just as bad for a man’s erectile capacity: a big job promotion, a sudden increase in responsibilities, or a cross-country move that uproots a man from old friends and familiar surroundings, will all have an impact on his sexual performance.
A lover’s career success can also engender feelings of inferiority and self-doubt that might contribute to an erection problem.
Depression is a major cause of erection difficulties. Which comes first, the depression or the lack of an erection, is not always easy to establish, of course, but the result may be the same: a man who withdraws into himself, rejecting his lover or sexual contact with her, out of fear that when he needs to “perform” he will not be able to.
A man may resent having to comply with his lover’s demands or having to initiate sex all the time. He may get upset making love the same old way all the time.
And arguments about money, children, marriage, conflicting job schedules, sexual frequency, visits to relatives, or sharing the responsibilities in the household, can also take their toll on his erections.
Even nowadays, in our supposedly enlightened times, men are not generally given permission to say “No” to sex. So how does a guy who doesn’t want to make love turn a woman down without hurting her feelings?
Cure For Erectile Dysfunction
In some cases, the use of Viagra will be a sufficient boost for a man to get over his temporary sexual anxiety and regain his sexual confidence. Other men may turn to a younger partner, begin watching porn movies, or give up sex altogether. But the real cure for erectile dysfunction is the one described in this book.
An alternative approach to sex
Stopping intercourse temporarily and focusing on alternative sources of pleasure is a good idea for a man who isn’t getting erect. There’s no performance pressure if you don’t have to satisfy your partner vaginally.
For example, you don’t need an erect penis to give her an erotic massage or to play with her breasts! This approach allows you the time to get reacquainted with the rest of yourself, and gives you time to play as many sensual games as you and your lover wish.
In short, your penis isn’t your only sexual organ. You have fingers, hands, tongue, lips and every other part of your body as well – and using them may take the pressure off your penis.
Let your lover know what turns you on, and let her try it out, rather than thinking of sex as the penis-in-the-vagina-routine.
You may find that without pressure to perform, you respond much better than you expect. And she probably has a few things she’d like you to do to her, so try focusing on her rather than on your erection for a change.
Masturbation
Masturbation can be a very helpful way of getting back in touch with your sexuality and your erections.
But you need to approach it in the right way: with a relaxed attitude, knowing that what you are going to do is for your pleasure alone. You can make it a sensuous, relaxed experience, with oil to lube your penis, and time on your hands to ensure it is a slow and unhurried experience.
You can masturbate, relax, resume, watching your erection rise and fall – which, by the way, is what erections normally do during lovemaking – and you can play with your testicles, scrotum, nipples, anus and any other part of your body that you want to enjoy touching.
The difference between this approach and the more rushed approach to masturbation that most men have is this: you are enjoying your sexuality and getting in touch with your body and its feelings and needs.
Approach the vagina slowly
You may find your erection disappears the minute you approach your partner’s vagina. There are several ways to lessen the chance of this happening. Above all, don’t feel any performance pressure. Breath deeply, relax, and make the experience fun!
Approach her vagina slowly, as many times as you like. Let her rub her vulva along your penis and scrotum without any pressure on you to insert and thrust. Instead, lie back and let her take control of insertion, preferably using the woman on top position.
Take it all slowly. You don’t have to get your penis fully in her right away – play with her. Enter only the outermost part of her vagina with only the glans of your penis. Tease her with small movements in and out. If you lose your erection, back off and enjoy more sensual touching and caressing before you try again.
Let her play with your testicles, nipples, anus, perineum, whatever. Suck her breasts, rub her stomach, play with her labia – above all, to repeat, avoid any pressure to insert.
And don’t worry if your erection flags: what this probably means is that you need to be more aroused before you put penetrate her. (As I mentioned before, though, if your lack of arousal means you don’t really want to be with her, this may have some implications for whether or not you stay together as a couple.)
What if this doesn’t work?
Then you have the option of turning to a professional sexual therapist for assistance. In the United States, the Association of Certified Professional Sex Educators will be able to give you a name of a qualified sex therapist. Or you might want to try something more sophisticated such a sexual surrogate. This is a partner who knows how to draw out your sexual responses and overcome any inhibitions or problems you may have.You could do a search on Google for “sexual surrogate”.
If none of this works, there are still options open to you!
There’s also Erecaid, a suction-based device, which elongates the flaccid penis temporarily into an artificial erection. It’s easily available on the internet, just do a search on Google for “Erecaid”.