The effects of premature ejaculation on a couple are well documented. Regrettably, a couple may not find it easy to communicate about the condition.
This poor communication is probably caused when a man who believes he ejaculates too quickly is scared of his partner’s anger, while the woman is consumed with resentment about the fact that he either does not care about her, or that he can’t be bothered to control his PE. Or he may feel shame about not being a “real man”, or guilt about letting his partner down.
Ironically, men who come quickly often feel very responsible for their partner’s pleasure, and go to great efforts to ensure that she achieves orgasm in some other way. Even so, this does not alter the fact that having a male partner in a relationship with PE can be difficult. His self-esteem and self-confidence may be diminished because of this sexual performance can this be very frustrating and irritating for a woman.
Most women in a relationship with a man want them to display at least a certain level of masculine strength and power, and probably nowhere moreso than in the bedroom. Despite the possibility of sexual stereotyping, it’s probably true that most women want a man who can lead during sexual activity. That is, at least most of the time, and who, in leading the woman, will treat her in the way that she desires, a way that will bring out her deepest feminine desires and passion.
This is not, as you may well imagine, achieved particularly easily when a man is self-absorbed about the speed with which he is likely to ejaculate. Nor when he is so self-absorbed about avoiding PE by distraction thinking or skipping foreplay, that he does not pay much attention to his partner or her needs.
Indeed, one of the characteristics of men with PE is a tendency to apologize for their dysfunction. This may irritate a woman even more – most women would much rather a man took some action to change things than continuing to apologize for his perceived inadequacies.
Video – effect of PE on a couple.
And therein lies perhaps one of the clues to the origin of PE. Taking action and going out into the world to solve problems is a very male characteristic. A man with PE who is not doing so (around his own sexual challenges) may be out of touch with his masculinity.
The psychological profile of men who come quickly tends to be one associated with uncertainty around masculinity. That may mean a disconnection between the man and his own masculinity. It may mean he did not have a father figure who could teach him what it means to be a man while he was growing up. (And how men should relate to women.)
However, that is not the whole story. Women in relationship with men who lack masculinity may, at some deep level of their unconscious, fear masculinity in its most profound and compelling form.
But if this feeling remain out of consciousness, the couple become locked in a cycle of frustration and anger: each person’s behavior furthering the emotional dissatisfaction of the other. This is particularly true in cases if a man has a degree of vaginal aversion. (Some men with PE may eventually come to understand that they have never been entirely comfortable with the appearance, smell, or feel of a woman’s vagina or vulva.)
When a woman hears a man constantly apologizing for the speed of his ejaculation, she may think of him (overtly or covertly) as a wimp. She may feel a clear break in intimacy after he has coem. This is clearly not what a woman wants. In fact, in this situation she’s likely to want some reassurance from her man of his affection and attention for her.
it’s another example of how this sexual dysfunction can disrupt communication and intimacy between a couple in a way that is self reinforcing.
For a man with PE, a good idea after ejaculating rapidly would be to hold his partner tenderly and continue connecting with her by means of touch and words.
Both the man’s fear and his partner’s anger are clear roadblocks to intimacy and need addressing at the same time as he works (in whatever way) to slow his sexual responses down.
Many men are reluctant to reveal aspects of their lives which they find either embarrassing or shameful. They hide things they see as reflecting badly on them or their partner. This isn;t helpful in adopting an open approach to PE.
Premature ejaculation may have its origins in traumatic childhood sexual experiences, or other events in contemporary life such as an affair. Often these things are idden, adding to the complexity of the cause and remedy of the man’s quick approach to orgasm.
But secrets kept from the man’s partner, or matters that are not discussed with his sexual partner, will hinder closeness and inhibit intimacy…
While some men may rationalize away these events, they clearly impact the man’s sexual performance within the relationship. they also impact the quality of trust and intimacy the couple experience.