Intercourse without an erect penis
There is a myth in our world – the myth of the ever-hard and ever-ready penis. Most men probably believe that they should have an erection whenever they are in a sexual situation – and most women probably believe this too.
But there’s some point in a man’s sexual life beyond which he’s going to need physical stimulation to get an erection – and the older he gets, the less reliable his erection is going to be. (Of course any guy, no matter how young or old, may lose his erection if he’s in a sexual situation where he isn’t aroused or if he’d prefer to be with someone else.)
If you have a soft penis, and you want a hard one, there are lots of alternatives to deal with the situation.
Firstly, you can masturbate your penis until it’s erect, or your partner can do it. Secondly, you can try non-erect intercourse. You need to use the best sex position you can for this purpose. Let me explain how it’s done. Your partner will be lying on her back, with her right leg over your hips.
You lie at forty-five degrees to her body on her left side, facing her. You hold your penis in your right hand and rub your glans up and down, from side to side, and all around her clitoris. You need plenty of lube on your penis and her vulva for this.
The idea is to focus only on the sensations, not on getting an erection or becoming aroused. So you focus on what it feels like for you as your penis head rubs on her clitoris – and she focuses on what it feels like for her as your penis-head massages her sensitive tissues. This should be both a sexual and a very pleasurable experience for a woman in bed with you.
Neither of you are spending any time thinking about what you should be doing, what you expect to happen, or what is happening. It’s just a pleasant thing to experience!
What to do if you lose your erection during sex
If you do develop an erection, or a partial erection, you can insert your penis about an inch into her vagina, but the idea of non-erect intercourse is to enjoy the feeling, not go all the way to full penetration, so if you do enter her vagina, then pull out again and continue moving your penis over her vulva and clitoris, perhaps re-entering her a little way from time to time.
After five minutes of partial insertion and clitoral rubbing, you can gradually increase the amount of penetration and decrease the clitoral rubbing. If you do this for at least fifteen minutes three times a week, even if you feel bored or uninterested, you may well find that your erectile capacity increases.
However, don’t expect an improvement in your erections if you simply don’t want to be with your partner, for non-erect penis intercourse is not a way to extend a relationship that has passed its sell-by date. It’s much more about getting sexual energy flowing and re-establishing arousal and sexual self-confidence in a man whose wilting penis has led to a cycle of negative expectations causing a failure to get erect, leading to not getting erect, and thereby confirming his belief that he won’t get erect ever again.
Finally, though you may have erectile dysfunction caused by a physical problem, such as diabetes, which may make it harder to treat, all erection problems can be lessened to some extent.